So about me. . . .

I feel the need to ramble about me.  Hopefully you'll get to know my sunshine self better and feel more confident commenting on it (no really.  I did an MFA in creative nonfiction.  We love it when people talk about us).

So let's start very directed.  I got into a fight with a friend I've known ten years this week.  It was one of those grand situations where we'd gotten into a fight a month ago and this was supposed to clear the air.  I don't get it.  We used to talk about virtually anything.  Now she is a row of closed wood boxes.  Locked.  I cried.  I apologized for my behavior she didn't like.  Then I woke up the next day.  So I near begged--okay, I begged shamelessly--for more communication.  She had never promised me anything other than to try to be less offended by me.  What the fuck?

So I haven't ever written about me before, so you don't know, my girls are my girls.  Dump a boyfriend, fine.  Never let go of a girlfriend.  Feeling like I lost her, and that she disapproved of me, makes me feel split open at the chest.  I can't get it.  My brain rejects it.  I feel as if some way I have failed not to be able to get her to let those Pandora Boxes she has closed.

I have decided after long hard thought and still a lot of gut wrenches, that I need to let the friendship go for a while.  I have to respect myself.  I am no longer sure she respects me.